If I could leave you one thing…

I have been wondering lately if there was one thing that I could leave my husband, my son or my daughters, my grandchildren what would it be. Would it be a material item or would it be a spiritual, thoughtful one?

What would last longer? What would have more impact?  I think that a gift of the heart, a spiritual gift that would ease the pain of the past and enlighten their hearts and minds to make a better future for themselves and others would be the gift I choose. A light in the darkness.

I would love to give them a gift of light that they could look upon and know that I was always there with them in spirit. That my heart was fuller because of the love I had for all of them and the experiences, both good and bad that make us who we are. What made them who they are. Because I love them. All of them with all of my being. Faults and talents. I love them all and all of the tears and laughter having them in my life has brought

I am a Christian. I believe that there is a life after this one. I have experienced it in the most profound, life changing way possible. I have spoken on this before. I wish I could touch their faces and their hands and just pass on what I know deep inside. Though I live my life in pain both from the physical and the emotional, I still know peace at some level because I know ultimately I am not alone. He is there with me.

I wish I could mend their hearts and souls with the knowledge, with this feeling. It breaks my heart to think that I am in any way responsible for the doubts they have and the pain they feel concerning it. And because of things that happened in the past they have this pain and these doubts. And in one case complete disregard of the spiritual. And it makes me sad because they are missing out on something wonderful.

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder why I still believe when my own pain and problems dealing with life seems too much? And I know the answer. Because I know I am not alone. He is with me. I will find my way and I will continue to fight to find a way to show them too that it isn’t about how often you go to Church or how much of the bible you can recite. In the long run it is the church and word within your own spirit and how you live your life. It is the one on one connection that will matter most.

It is how you walk the path. And sometimes you fall on the path, sometimes you fall completely off the path and lose sight of what you were heading to. The darkness overwhelms you and you feel there is no light. But, there is. There is not true darkness without light. Follow that faint light. Your hands and feet will find the path. And eventually you will stand and walk again.