Walking Paths

I wish I still walked these paths. It has been two years since I have walked them. It was something I truly enjoyed. I just don’t trust my legs to hold me up anymore on the longer, less traveled spots. My dear Angus has passed away last month and I miss him. I could take Alistair with me though. Maybe he wouldn’t run away whenever I fall down. Angus would leave me in the dust and took the opportunity of me losing my grip on his leash to chase squirrels. I still loved him anyway. It was so hard to see him get old and frail. I can almost smell the autumn forest smell. I have to go back. I can feel the walking paths calling to me. Telling me it is time to try to come back. Some of my best inpsiration for writing and stories came when I was walking these trails. And I miss taking my pictures. Even though the paths didn’t change, the scenery always did in some small way. New leaves, new birds, new people. Yes, I think it is time to start walking again.

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What’s the biggest change you ever took

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I made the move to join the military. I joined the Navy on 22nd November 1985. I was so lost. I had asked God, who I know had saved my life from a very bad decision, what he had planned for me. He wanted me here, so why was I here. I was at a laundromat doing laundry when an army recruiter started talking to me. She asked me, “What are your plans for your life? What is it that you think you are here to do?” It was like God answering me. Giving me the chance to answer my own questions. I took my ASVAB and went to the recruiters office and waited to hear what job I was going to do. Jeep mechanic. That is what they offered though I was one of their top scorers on the exam. Women were not being allowed in the military as much as they had met their quotas so I was lucky to be offered this. I told them that is not what I was meant to do. I wanted to be a medic. They were going to see what they could do, but were not hopeful. The Navy recuriter heard what was going on as his office was next to hers and he essentially stole me from her and put me in the Navy. I told her I was grateful to her, but the army at that time would not let you change your MOS or job rating until the next enlistment. The Navy was more flexible and I could change ratings with approval at most any time as long as there were openings in the field I wanted. There were no Hospital Corpsman billets open but I could go in as a Seaman and Cross Train for Hospital Corpsman.

I arrived at boot camp and did very well. If I hadn’t gone in as an E3 they would have given me the advancement on graduation from boot camp. I was however, changed to an Airman Apprentice. This was still a good opportunity and it ended up that I became my squadron corpsman and had an excellent Career Counselor and she helped me to get cross trained for Squadron Corpsman. I received my first two award letters from my work with the squadron. Over my twenty years in the Navy, I learned more than I ever thought. I earned my Cardiopulmonary Credential, my Respiratory Therapy License, my Associates Degrees through my Master’s Degree. There was so much bad with it as well, but I have chosen to look at those events as what needs to happen for growth. You cannot grow without difficulty. You cannot grow sometimes without overcoming obstacles and feeling the pain of failure and then using that failure to push you forward to succeed. The biggest change I ever made was making the choice to live.

Two and half Daisies

Two and half Daisies

Wow…I was looking at my page and realizing how many posts I had started an not finished and were sitting in my drafts box. I really do miss blogging. I am hoping that this new spurt of creative energy continues. I remember thinking when I took this picture how that one daisy, half eaten and damaged was still beautiful. Isn’t that the way it can be with people. They can look worn and damaged and still have a spiritual light. A beauty that transends what their physical appearance displays. There are so many times I feel like that daisy. Half of me missing, damaged and worn. But, I would hope that I can maintain a spiritual light that can and does transend the physical pain and the worn appearnace. I am blessed to know people who have been going through trials both physical and spiritual and come out the other side with that wonderful spiritual light. They inspire me to continue and I will do my best to do so.

Light in the Dark

Light in the dark.

This is still one of my most favorite photographs I have ever taken. It represents what I have felt so often. Especially about my spiritual journey. I was walking through the woods and my mood was very somber and I was in deep reflection about so many things going on in my life. It was a cloudy day and the woods were dark, but there were streams of light that shown through the leaves when the sun came out and it shone on this one branch of honeysuckle growing over the fallen tree. Like a soft caress over the bark. It was inspirational for me. Life continues and light breaks through the darkness, we just have to look sometimes to see it and what it is illuminating. Blessings.

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Share Your World (SYW)

I have really gotten to enjoy Cee’s challenges and have participated, but not as much as I have wanted. So, I thought I would give this one a try.

Does your first or middle name have any significance (or were you named after another family member)?

My first name is based on a few things. My mother and especially my father loved classical music. I think it is my favorite kind next to Appalachian/Celtic. A pavan was a courtly dance in the 16th and 17th century. Ravel wrote a piece of music that he envisioned a Princess in those courts would dance to. It was called Pavane pour une infante defunte. It was a favorite of my father’s. There are many versions, contemporary and classical. There are a couple of vocal versions of the song “Never say goodbye” and “Elysium” are based on the melody. My mother was an anthropologist/sociologist who specialized in Hindu culture. The name is also “Breeze” in Hindu. My name is spelled Pavanne because the Anne is in homage to my mother’s cousin named Mary Anne and my middle name Marie is for my mother’s best friend Marie. It was not a name that you appreciated when you were younger, but I have grown to appreciate it and the meanings behind it.

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Music or silence while working?

I like to have music in the background. Quiet and soothing when I want to be really creative or studying and a bit more energetic if I am doing research for articles.

If you had a special place for your three most special possessions (not including photos, electronics, people or animals), what would they be?

My wedding ring stays on my finger at all times. I have pictures drawn by my brother’s friend that are on my wall over my desk in the den. They are done with watercolor markers and ink. I love them, they were wonderful gifts. I have two mantels from a house built in the 1700’s that my father was trying to save before he passed away. I couldn’t afford to fix it after he passed, but I saved the mantels and have them in my home. One is in my den and one is in the foyer hall. The one in my den is not pretty but is roughly hand made and most likely by a freed slave that lived in the house for quite a few years.

The Never List: What are things you know you never will do?

I don’t know what I will never do. I don’t think I will ever do patient care again as I am physically unable to do so. At least not in the way I did as a nurse or respiratory therapist. I don’t like to think of things I can’t do, but what I can do.

Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

I am grateful that I have a home to live in with a roof that doesn’t leak and heat. It needs a lot of work, but it home. I am looking forward to allowing myself to stop grieving over my past life and the things I can’t do anymore and move on to things that I can do.

Daily Prompt: Because the Night

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Are you a night owl or are you the early bird? What’s your most productive time of day? When do you do your best work?

As you can tell from the picture. I am definitely a night owl. I seemed to do my best writing and work at night. Which is literally annoying my husband to no end as he likes to snuggle at night and I am up typing away at the keyboard. I love owls as well. I think they are the most beautiful, interesting creatures of the winged variety. Next to hummingbirds that is. And the mystery and mythology surrounding them is something I can read about all the time.

I think one of the reasons I stopped blogging as much is I tried to keep to regular daytime hours to do my blogging and it just has not worked for me. So, I am going to try and blog at night after hubby has gone to sleep. Hah…but now I have to get used to being up late again.

The Daily Post: Reviving Bricks

“You just inherited a dilapidated, crumbling-down grand mansion in the countryside. Assuming money is no issue, what do you do with it?”

I have often thought of this in my life. If I could what would I do to help people. I would fix up the home and create a shelter where people could transition from homelessness to having a home. One of the biggest issues with people who are the working homeless is that they don’t have enough money to get into an apartment, but make too much money for assistance to get into a home. The waiting lists are very long and it can take quite some time to get enough money to pay to get into an apartment. I would allow people to bring their pets and children would be allowed. There would be a large resource room for people to use computers for school and job searches.

There would have to be rules of course and admission would require that people attend workshops to learn how to handle finances, how to write resume’s and job search. There would be tutoring for GED and SAT testing. If you have alcohol, drug or anger issues you must attend counseling to deal with those issues. AA, NA, CS (Compulsive Shoppers), OE (Over-eaters Anonymous)You have to “work” to stay there. Whether it is working to find a job or working to improve yourself and your family through education and training.

I can hear people now saying that people won’t do that. Perhaps. But, for every family or person that stays and goes through the program I would probably lose two or more for various reasons. It is difficult to change and I have no problem helping people make the changes they need. But, I will not coddle them and I will not allow people to stay who won’t work on their problems. If they don’t they could just end up right back where they started. It isn’t enough to give someone a place to stay or rent for a month. They have to be taught and sometimes pushed into getting out of the cycle they are in.

But imagine if I could get even three families or people to change within a year. Imagine those people spread what they have learned to others. Imagine that in 10 years I could have helped 30 families to find their way out of their cycle of poverty and despair. Wouldn’t that be worth it?