Share Your World (SYW)

I have really gotten to enjoy Cee’s challenges and have participated, but not as much as I have wanted. So, I thought I would give this one a try.

Does your first or middle name have any significance (or were you named after another family member)?

My first name is based on a few things. My mother and especially my father loved classical music. I think it is my favorite kind next to Appalachian/Celtic. A pavan was a courtly dance in the 16th and 17th century. Ravel wrote a piece of music that he envisioned a Princess in those courts would dance to. It was called Pavane pour une infante defunte. It was a favorite of my father’s. There are many versions, contemporary and classical. There are a couple of vocal versions of the song “Never say goodbye” and “Elysium” are based on the melody. My mother was an anthropologist/sociologist who specialized in Hindu culture. The name is also “Breeze” in Hindu. My name is spelled Pavanne because the Anne is in homage to my mother’s cousin named Mary Anne and my middle name Marie is for my mother’s best friend Marie. It was not a name that you appreciated when you were younger, but I have grown to appreciate it and the meanings behind it.

https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-iba-1&hsimp=yhs-1&hspart=iba&p=Pavane+pour+une+infante+d%C3%A9funte#id=48&vid=f31bc0008ef0aa4368640b7c04eacd52&action=view

Music or silence while working?

I like to have music in the background. Quiet and soothing when I want to be really creative or studying and a bit more energetic if I am doing research for articles.

If you had a special place for your three most special possessions (not including photos, electronics, people or animals), what would they be?

My wedding ring stays on my finger at all times. I have pictures drawn by my brother’s friend that are on my wall over my desk in the den. They are done with watercolor markers and ink. I love them, they were wonderful gifts. I have two mantels from a house built in the 1700’s that my father was trying to save before he passed away. I couldn’t afford to fix it after he passed, but I saved the mantels and have them in my home. One is in my den and one is in the foyer hall. The one in my den is not pretty but is roughly hand made and most likely by a freed slave that lived in the house for quite a few years.

The Never List: What are things you know you never will do?

I don’t know what I will never do. I don’t think I will ever do patient care again as I am physically unable to do so. At least not in the way I did as a nurse or respiratory therapist. I don’t like to think of things I can’t do, but what I can do.

Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

I am grateful that I have a home to live in with a roof that doesn’t leak and heat. It needs a lot of work, but it home. I am looking forward to allowing myself to stop grieving over my past life and the things I can’t do anymore and move on to things that I can do.

I was going to delete my blog Because I can….

I have not been writing enough for myself lately. No posts, just answering comments, giving my thoughts to what other people are saying. It allows me a voice, but it isn’t the same as writing for myself and telling my own stories. I have been very down on myself as of late. I have not been positive and I have not been doing what I need to do in order to become more positive. My blog is “Because I can” for a reason. A reason that I was allowing myself to forget. I was forgetting that I can. 

I read this story tonight and it has inspired me to continue with trying to write, to blog and learn. 

http://aishakhan0208.wordpress.com/2014/06/14/i-am-a-woman-who-survived

I am going to write a mission statement of sorts to myself. it is a reaffirmation and statement of what I believe. It is what I will continue to live by. No matter what anyone says.

What happened in my life was terrible. There are scars, there is still pain. But, I am not going to list everything that happened to me. I will not continually revisit it without purpose. When I do talk about it, I will be using my experiences to help others to find their strength. To find options and to find a way to get out of the darkness. I want to be able to show others going through similar experiences that they can come out the other side and not just survive, but be happy and survive. What has having those awful things happen to me done for me? It has taught me compassion for another. It has taught me to be non-judgmental. I will not give in to fear. I can be strong and become stronger. 

I will not give in to anger and fear. I have been allowing fear and anger of what is happening in the world, and what some people have said to me to cloud my judgement and my faith. When you  become angry and you give in to fear, it can lead to irrational thought. When you become irrational you cannot see the path. You cannot hear the truth. It blinds you to your faith. Faith leads you from fear and helps you to find the path and allows you to see more than what you think possible. 

I will be compassionate. I would prefer to err on the side of compassion and not have to worry about answering to God as to why I would turn my back on my brothers and sisters. 

I believe in the right of all people to love whom they choose. As long as they are an adult of legal age and consensual.

I believe in allowing the existence of all faiths as long as they do not interfere with the practice of another’s faith or harm another person. I have to admit that I am conflicted with this one as I do not believe that Sharia law is a humane practice and that the violence perpetrated against women in the name of honor (which is not honorable at all) gives me some issues. 

I happen to believe in the premise of the Constitution of the United States and it’s original intention. We have a great country. Even with all our problems. We the people of this country hold so much power in our hands. We can control our own destinies if we would just think, not be so reactionary and really value the freedoms that we have. We can speak, we can write, we can protest-peacefully. There are so many countries where that is not possible. 

I really believe we need a ” Celebrate Humanity Month”. This month will celebrate the diverse nature of humanity. We should have block parties and discussions and make opportunities to mend fences with our neighbors. There needs to be open discussions on race and how to improve relations between all the races that live in this country. Improved education in the schools that really stress the accomplishments of all races in the development of inventions and in the creation of this country. Our country was founded on the blood of the Native Americans, white slavery, black slavery, Asian slavery. There is no getting around that. What we can do is move past it and realize that while it matters how we got here, it matters even more where we are going. And where we end up is up to all of us. 

I believe in the right to bear arms. While it has been said that letting everyone have a gun is tantamount to creating an old west scenario, that is just not the truth. Of course there needs to be education, regulation and punishment for the breaking of the rules. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. “If they didn’t have a gun, they wouldn’t have killed someone” is an argument I have heard before. People killed each other before there were guns, they will continue to do so with or without them. I prefer to be able to defend myself if someone threatens me or my family. 

I realize as I am typing this, there is so much I believe, so much I want to talk about in my life. Too much to write about now.

I will speak my mind, write my stories and poems, post my photographs. Yes, I am going to do that.