Author: pavanneh

Retired Navy Cardiovascular Technician/Respiratory Therapist. Wife, mother, grandmother.

Worst Case Scenario

One of the daily prompts is writing about a Worst Case Scenario. The immediate situation that came to mind is the loss of my family. If I was to lose my husband, my children, my grandchildren I know it would take all the strength within me to want to continue to live. I know I could survive. I have had to survive many bad and terrible situations. And I have done so reasonably well. But, the loss of my family would definitely be a near deal breaker to me. And what could keep me from giving up, from just letting myself go and die to be with them? The thought of how disappointed they would be. I would survive for them. And the thought that if I was still living and something so terrible had happened that wiped out my whole family I would know that God had something else for me to do. I am here for a purpose. I know that to the depth of my soul. If I was left behind then I know my purpose has not been fulfilled and I have more to do.

What would I do? I would find others to help. I would reach out to my brothers and sister. I would find my purpose which I have begun to realize is that I am here to help others. I am here to look outside of myself. And that is how you survive such a terrible thing. Is to find purpose and realize that God is still with you. There are people that would tell me that if there is a God and if he is a loving God he would never let such bad things happen. Especially to a person of faith. And I would tell them that I know that God is with me and he loves me. He is a good parent. He is there to spiritually support me, but he does not pull my strings, he does not do it all for me.

A child never learns to walk if they are carried all the time. There will be tears, scrapes and hurts that you feel you can never get over. But, you can and each event, each pain and your survival from it will help you to grow as a person, as a spirit. It is so difficult to see this at times and I throw temper tantrums like a three year old child. Stomping my feet and yelling til I am hoarse. It doesn’t change anything. I have to move through the pain and I have to move through the grief that has been in my life.

HaHa..I just thought of something. I thought okay..is what you said true if you lost your family and are still alive and you are hurt and can’t walk or move and you are lying out on a dirt road or in a field with no one around. Would I feel the same way. I would be angry, I would shout out to the sky..”ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!” Then I would pull myself along, yelling and screaming until I couldn’t move anymore. And I would think okay. If I am meant to survive someone will come. If not then it is my time and I will see all those I have loved and lost again. And I hope that I will have lived my life well and thank God for the time he has given me.

Meredith and Merel Lamboo nominated me for a Liebster Award!!

Thank You!! Thank You!!..(takes a bow) for the wonderful nominations! Here are the questions from Merel and Meredith’s are to follow. Enjoy!

Here are the rules for those who are nominated and want to participate in the Liebster award process:

  • Post the award on your blog
  • Thank the blogger who presented the award to you and link back to their blog
  • Share 11 things about yourself
  • Answer the 11 questions given to you by the person that nominated you
  • Nominate 11 bloggers who have less than 200 followers
  • Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer
  • Notify your nominees by posting your nomination on their blog.

Merel’s Questions for me:

1. What makes you happy?

My family. they are my life. My husband can make me smile and feel loved any time of day. My children and grandchildren. No matter how naughty any of them are they can still make me smile.

2. What is worth waking you up for – in the middle of the night?

Anything important. That could mean most anything. If someone is going to take the time to wake me up then it must be important. I will wake up but be prepared to get a “REALLY!! At this time of the night!” Then I would sigh and say “Okay, What’s up?” Now if I smell smoke or the house is coming down around me I think it would be a rather rapid sequence of events.

3. What’s your favorite place?

My home. If not at home, somewhere outside.

4. If you could do anything, what would you do?

I would want to be an actress/author/writer/humanitarian/philanthropist rolled into one.

5. Do you have tattoos? Want (more of) them?

Yes I have a Trinity Knot of Ivy vines and leaves in the area between my shoulder blades. I am thinking of getting a tree of life of my back somewhere.

6. Who is your favorite person?

My husband.

7. What would you want to be in a next life?

Someone who can make a difference for good in people’s lives. There are times I feel I have been so limited in this lifetime by physical, mental and emotional issues. I would like to be able to function without any of that and still have the drive that I have in this life to make a difference.

8. How many languages do you speak?

One.

9. Sneakers, flipflops, pumps (for the guys, the men’s equivalent of pumps: dress shoes)?

Sneakers, then flip flops or Sandals.

 10. Are you happy?

I am working hard at it. At this moment I am. I am working at stretching these “moments” into hours, then days, then weeks until I can get to a whole year of being happy.

11. What makes you tick? I mean, what makes you do what you do, be who you are, what makes you you?

I am not sure how to answer this question. Currently what makes me tick is the drive to be “better”, to be happier. To make a difference in this world that may not make me famous, but it will help others reach understanding, and feel that they are not alone in this world.

Meredith’s Questions:

1. What is your dream job and why?

Being an Actress. I have always wanted to do acting or performing. I was told as a child that I was too dramatic and emotional. A teacher that worked for a theater in town wanted to help get a scholarship to an acting school. But, my mother said no. Frankly I think it was a combination of jealousy and she didn’t want to lose her live in babysitter. An Actress gets to play other people and portray the emotions of written words. They get to connect with people in intimate and deep ways in the portrayal of their characters.

2. What was your favorite author when you were in school?

Edgar Allan Poe. Without a doubt his Annabell Lee was my favorite all time poem.

3. Has life ever taken you in a different direction than you planned and what were the results?

Yes. I thought I would be working in medicine as a clinic manager and may have even gone to Physician’s Assistant School. But, my health issues have kept me from that path. The result is now I am trying to find new paths for myself and am developing my writing and other skills and education that will help me in working with Nonprofit organizations.

4. You are on deserted on a desert island. What 3 things would you want?

An MP3 player that works on a solar battery. A Glass bottle. A hatchet. I can create shelter from trees and palms. I can eat coconuts and can make a spear or trap with the hatchet. The glass bottle can hold water and I can use the glass to magnify light to start a fire.

5. Are you a foodie, or do you eat to live? Tell us your favorite meal.

A foodie. For sure. Olive Garden’s Steak Gorgonzola with Tiramisu for dessert.

6. Are you an up-and-at-’em kind of person, or do you burn the midnight oil?

I am definitely a drag myself out of bed. Slap myself around to wake up and drag myself around for half the morning. I have always been a burn the midnight oil kind of person. Especially with studying for school.

7. Do you believe little white lies are ok? In what circumstances?

In general I say no. But, then I thought there are times when a little white lie helps more than hurts. When I was working in healthcare there was a patient who we knew was dying. The family did not want them to know that there was nothing else to be done. So, while taking care of the patient they asked me if they were dying. I sat by them and held their hand and talked with them for a bit and said “No, not today.” I wasn’t sure that wasn’t a lie. But, they seemed calmer. I think they already knew, but they appreciated the little white lie. They passed in their sleep later that night. Times like those are when I think it is okay.

8. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Why?

If I could tolerate the cold, it would be Alaska. The wilderness, the beauty of the area. If I knew I could do it I would live out in the woods, closer to nature and learning how to survive without all the “extras” of civilized life. But, I know at this time in my life it would only make my physical issues worse.

9. What is the riskiest thing you’ve ever done?

Free Climbed Cliffs.

10. What talent would you like to have?

I can sing, but I would really like to be able to really sing. Like Sara Brightman or Adele type of singing. Both of those singers have vastly different vocal styles, but each one can evoke such emotion in me when they sing.

11. Are you an urbanite, suburbanite, country gentry?

Country. I prefer living out in the country or in small towns and villages than to living in a city or large town for sure.

My eleven questions:

1. If you could go into the past or future which would you choose, why?

2. If you could go back into the past or the future when would you go, why?

3. What is your favorite piece of clothing and why?

4. What is your favorite book and why?

5. What is your favorite movie and why?

6. What is your least favorite household chore?

7. If you could change jobs, what job would you want instead?

8. What would be your dream car?

9. What is the one charity you would give all your money to?

10. What is the one thing you want to do with your life?

11. What makes you happy?

These are my nominees:

http://maraeastern.com/gallery/

http://www.bunglinghousewife.wordpress.com/

http://writeandday.wordpress.com/

http://findingourwayhomeblog.wordpress.com/

http://theoffensiveplaybook.wordpress.com/

http://faithfamilyandfocaccia.wordpress.com/

I know this isn’t 11 blogs, but will look for more to nominate later. I also wanted people to be sure they look for widgets letting people know their blog is an “Award free zone” essentially. I missed a couple. I think this is a good exercise though and really gets people to look for and meet new people and new ideas.

 

 

 

Giving Credit where Credit is due

I want to publicly apologize to lovehappynotes for using her photograph in my header without permission. I did not see her copyright and I did not remember which blog I saw the photograph in and just used it, but gave credit for the photograph to “another blogger”. She has copyrighted her blog and I did not see that. It is Important to be sure that you ask permission before using another person’s photograph or work. It is their time, talent and inspiration you are looking at. It is important to give them credit for that. It is important to acknowledge another person’s work. While I really love the photograph, I have some of my own that I am going to use instead. Here is her website. She has some wonderful stuff in there and I really enjoy her work.

http://lovehappynotes.wordpress.com/

They Touched My Heart

They Touched My Heart.

These videos express so much of how I feel and I what I believe in. That we created the problems and pollution of this world and we can fix it. We can be kind to one another and we can learn to define ourselves by the good things that we do and the legacy we leave our children and the world as a whole. Thank you to the original poster for this. It was a wonderful post.

http://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/category/inspiration

Reason to Believe

The first thing that came to mind was my grandchildren. They inspire me to believe that there is good in the world. They inspire me to see the beauty in a butterfly and in scattered rocks on the ground. I can be walking with them on a beach and not see the lovely shell that my grandson finds and hands to me. I cherish the opportunity to see the world through their eyes. I need to believe that we can fix this world. That we can clean up our act as human beings so that our children and grandchildren will have a world worth living in. I know that there is life beyond this life but we have to make the most of this life. We have purpose and we have the ability to create such wonderful things and we can create what we need to keep this world beautiful and clean for our children and their children to enjoy.

Fireflies dancing in the night.

Small feet running in the damp grass with giggles of delight.

Dancing and twirling in the pale moonlight.

We laugh and play and play chase in the night.

Then it is time for sleep and cuddles through the night.

Dubious Conversations With Teenage Sons (#1,297)

This is a must read. So hilarious.

Thewitch's avatarBob and Emily

question mark

I have just had one of many somewhat dubious conversations with my fifteen year old. The sort where I wonder whether I should really have found some excuse to go into the kitchen and thus nip it in the bud. Except I got the giggles, and allowed it to descend into ultra outrageousness!! I am still not quite sure which topic for discussion on BBC’s political programme, Question Time, triggered his train of thought, but I suspect it may have been his brother’s remark that one of the guest politicians was a w!#ker!

“Did you know that the taste of your sperm depends on what you have eaten?” he blithely announced.

(You haveprobably already realised that this is the point at which I should have left the room).

Noncommittal grunt from mother, snort from older brother. Undaunted by lack of enthusiasm, he warmed to his subject.

“How did…

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Day 16 Post for Zero to Hero “Ring of Fire”

I tend to avoid spicy food. I love food with flavor and a mild kick, but I cannot tolerate really spicy food. Adding too much heat to the dish can actually spoil the other subtle flavors in the food. I do like various curries and I love a bloomin Onion from Outback I just have to be prepared for the results the next day. Heart burn and more often than not trips to the bathroom. But, if the food is good I don’t mind so much. When I cook I specifically look for recipes that a nice combination of herbs and spices. I have been trying to cook more foods that work in the Glycemic Index diet and cut way back on processed carbs. I do feel healthier and have enjoyed the flavors that come from cooking with fresh herbs and spices.

I did get tricked into eating a really hot pepper one time, hot enough to blister my tongue. I have since learned that I will never eat another “pepper” that I didn’t pick out myself. Lol..the funny thing was, initially the flavor was pretty good. After a few seconds though I was crying and looking for water which didn’t help. I ended up drinking two glasses of milk and suffering through three days of heart burn. So, no spicy, spicy food for me.

Do we need to agree with the artist’s lifestyle and or politics to appreciate their art and or to buy it?

The Daily Post question for the day is: Do we need to agree with the artist’s lifestyle and or politics to appreciate their art and or to buy it? That is a very good question. Personally I can appreciate any work of art an artist produces just for the art itself. I don’t think of the politics or how they live at all when I am looking at a painting. Many of the classic painters like Monet, Picasso, etc had difficult personal lives, drug habits, psychiatric illnesses. Some would say that is what made the paintings so unique and beautiful was the translation of their pain, sadness and sometimes madness to the canvas. I guess where I would have a problem is buying a piece of art where I knew the money from buying it would go for a purpose that was less than ideal. This would be in terms of helping fund organizations that promote terrorism, suppression of women’s rights or the rights or children. Well human rights in general. Then I would have a problem with appreciating it or buying it. Even if was a beautiful piece of art the intentions behind it would make it the most hideous thing I could look at.

I can’t stay mad at you

This is over a week behind, but I wanted to answer this daily post in particular. Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget? I would like to think I am the kind of person who forgives and forgets. It can be difficult. I think the most difficult person to forgive has been my mother, followed by my father. I was able to be with each of them before they passed. With my father I was able to say “I love you” and mean it before he died. I could not think of anything to forgive him for at the time. I knew how hard it had been to live with my mother. Heck I lived with her and it almost did me in. But, after he died and I started reading some of his journals and things that he wrote I began to become extremely angry with him. I was angry because there was so much he had done to hurt my mother and his children. He was selfish, self-absorbed and hurtful. He knew he was hurting her and he just couldn’t stop himself. (At least that is what he said in his journals. He just loved to love women. And Mom didn’t do it for him.) Affair after affair. He always made it her fault. I remember that. Now I knew something different. It softened me considerably when it came to what I thought of my mother. However, there were things that happened in my childhood. Horrible things that were said and done that would ruin any child and it was mostly my mother that did it. How do you let go of it? How do you forgive your parents when it seems they had children just because it was expected and that we were more of an inconvenience at times than anything else?

I have come to the point in my life that I have to let it all go. I sat with my mother as she lay dying and forgave her and I meant it. She had a mental illness, she was married to a man who was emotionally and at times physically abusive. She was left alone to struggle and raise 4 children much of the time. It does not excuse the neglect, the often emotional and occasional physical abuse of her children, it just gives a reason for it. I feel that just because you understand why something happened, does not mean you can excuse it. But, you can forgive it based on the reasons that it happened. She did love all of us as much as she could with the condition that she had. She never killed us, never truly abandoned us and she tried to be better. And she did get better. Never perfect, but better.

So, can I forgive and forget? I can forgive. I have forgiven many people. Well there are two people that have been involved in my life at some point that I can say I will NEVER forgive and forget what they did without the help of God. On that note I suppose it is a continuing process, something I need to work on. It is better to forgive and let it go.